> >> To all Employees:
>>
>> Effective 1st January 2007
>>
>> Dress Code
>>
>> 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
>> If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you
>> are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
>>
>> 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
>> that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
>> need a pay raise.
>>
>> 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
>> therefore you do not need a pay raise.
>>
>>
>> Sick Days
>>
>> We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
>>
>> If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>
>>
>> Holiday Days
>>
>> Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
>> Saturday & Sunday.
>>
>> Compassionate Leave
>>
>> This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
>> friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
>> non-employees attend to the arrangements.
>> In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
>> be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
>> through your lunch break and subsequently leave one hour early.
>>
>> Toilet Use
>>
>> 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
>> strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
>>
>> 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
>> will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will
>> be taken.
>>
>> 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
>> notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
>>
>> 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
>> company's mental health policy.
>>
>>
>> Lunch Break
>>
>> 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that
>> they can look healthy.
>>
>> 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
>> maintain their average figure.
>>
>> 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
>> needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>>
>>
>> Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of
>> choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
>>
>> Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
>> irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
>> contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
>>
>> Management
